Loser

If you would ask me I am a loser.

I will say.

Yes, I am a loser.

Why?

I haven’t achieved the goals that I want to achieve.

I have wasted my time doing those things which I don’t love to do.

I want to be a filmmaker and what I live doing working in a multinational company like a slave for which they were throwing me peanuts at the end of the month.

And I am grabbing it like a dog.

Sometimes I thought why I am work in a multinational company.

Why I am wasting my time here. I am a creative person. Creativity is in my blood.

I am 27 now. Soon I will turn 28. I graduated in 2015 when I was 21 years old.

I thought now I will join a filmmaking school where I will learn about the basics of filmmaking.

I applied for the Film and Television Institute of India. I failed the entrance exam.

Unable to apply for the National School Of Drama because I do not have experience of six plays.

I was inspired and still, I am by many storytellers whom I admire their works and creativeness in the film which are not just films they have made.

They have made art. Which you can call a masterpiece in modern cinema.

If you are from a middle-class family like I am and thinking of doing the job and pursuing your dreams at one time. So let’s be frank you will be fooling yourself like I have and still I am.

I want to achieve so many things in my life, want to explore new things every day.

I want to live my life to the fullest so I do not have to regret anything at last.

But what I am doing completing my targets every week, compiling my data every week, making a presentation, and I am getting appreciation for my sincere work from my seniors.

Sometimes I thought the thing which I do not like and still, I am giving my 100 percent into it and getting appreciation from my seniors for it.

If I would do what I love I will make magic. And I believe in it.

Born into a middle-class family will bound you into duties. From the day you have born. Middle-class boys think thousand times if they want to pursue something different.

If you are the elder one so doing something you are passionate about is so much difficult because you have to look at your younger siblings and family.

And the truth is one you will be bound into the duties of being an elder sibling in your family.

You have to kill your dream every day in the hope I will pursue it tomorrow.

But there is no tomorrow.

If you want to do something do it today.

From the pen of a looser.

© Himanshu Singh, 2020

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